Getting it: Officially.

Relationships. Before I say anything, I feel like I should first say that I am terrible at them. I eventually find myself at the point where everything about that person annoys me so badly that I have to let go. This could take a month, it could take eight, it could take a year... but eventually I want out.

With that said, maybe it's because I don't let things just happen. I count, I keep track, I worry. I count how many days it's been since I've last seen them, how long it's been since I've sincerely laughed at something they've said, how long it's been since I felt adored. I keep track of gift giving, card sending, REAL dates. I worry who that girl is they're talking to, when I'll see them next, do I make him feel important enough.

What if I threw all that out the window and let things just happen? I am. I'm trying. Because everything I've been doing has yet to work. (surprise, surprise you crazy lady) I like not keeping track, counting, or worrying. There's no pressure. I can be me, he can be who he is... and we have fun.

Lesson: Don't forget to have fun with someone, whether you're official or not. All that will matter, and all you'll remember is the fun you did or didn't have. So have it. Enjoy their company, let them make you laugh. Let it go where it goes... even if it goes nowhere.

we're all assholes

So why is it that I'm attracted to men who lie, or cheat, or that really piss me the f*ck off? I started to think about it --due to recent dickheadedness, and decided that its not just the one's I'm attracted to. That maybe it's that all men are like this. And hell, it's probably not just men, it's women, too.

We all lie, whether it's to spare someone's feelings, or to spare your own. We all cheat, whether it's on a partner, or on a test. And at some point or another, we've all pissed someone off.

So when you catch a partner in a lie... should you really be mad? I was. Until I realized I lied, too.

we're all assholes.

Fatties?

Weight is a problem. Not just for me, for everyone. Whether it's "I weigh too much," "I'm too thin," or "How do I stay this weight?"

My roommates and I actually have a competition going. The game: Who can lose the most by Thanksgiving. The prize: Feeling better than the other three. As horrible as it sounds, it's true.

We brought a scale to school with us this year, and we each weigh ourselves everyday. (Sometimes more than once a day...)

Only one of us exercises (and even that is not a regular event.) Yet, we're all losing weight. We've been aware of what we're eating. Well, I should say, what we're not eating. I thought this was kind of ridiculous, but then today I experienced something that made me see why.

Today we polled our guy friends: whether or not they find two girls hot. (To keep this short, I'll skip on telling you why we asked.) These two girls are absolutely beautiful and the sweetest people I have ever met. Six guys said a definite yes to one girl and for the other... "Maybe," "Uhh, I don't know." I asked why. "Well, she's got to lose like, 45, 50 pounds." She actually only weighs 150, max.

I never felt so much like a beast before in my life. Since this summer, I have lost 25-30 pounds, and still weigh more than the 150 pound girl. The only thing I could think about for the rest of the night was what they thought of me.

Now, I want to lose weight more than ever. But not so that I could have any boy I wanted. It's so that I can turn down the boys who made me want to do it.

Motivation: Spite.

Women... emotional? Sure, we can get emotional... it's called a period gentlemen. We have to have it so we continue the human race. I don't see you popping an 8 pound person out from between your legs. It's our right to be emotional for four days out of a month... we're bleeding 24/7 for four days straight, afterall.


Yes, I'm angry.
Okay, I'm annoyed.
Okay, Okay... I'm emotional.

why a blog? why not.

Basically, here's what's up... I have things to say.

That's pretty much it.

Expect rambles.